You go, Ned! You let out that misplaced anger!
When we’re children it’s all about
Look at me!
Mine, mine!
Gimme, gimme!
Listen to me, I’m most important!
Give it back, you never asked if you could have it!
Then through life we’re taught to share, to respect others, to consider the world around us.
Now as an adult, I look around at that world and think – you’re right, my time isn’t more important that that persons, it’s less important.
When did this happen? I’m not talking about putting my kids first, or self-sacrifice, or helping family, a friend, a neighbour. I’m talking about when I’m unhappy with being unassertive, and I repress my anger until it manifests into unhealthy behaviours.
Assertiveness isn’t synonymous with aggressiveness and selfishness. To be assertive is to also respect the needs and beliefs of those around you while standing up for your personal rights.
Some people have an innate ability that allows them to relish putting others first. I’m not saying that’s unhealthy. But I know I need to assert myself when my anger becomes misplaced. It’s when I snap at someone for breathing on me when I didn’t ask them to, or when I want something done a certain way – even though it doesn’t really matter how it’s done.
It’s when I try to take control of an unrelated situation because I feel I don’t have control anywhere else.
That’s when I have to recognise that I need to assert myself – that my time is just as important as someone elses.
If I don’t stand up and assert myself, no-one else will.
Not everyone is taught to consider others from childhood. There are people out there that will keep taking – without asking.
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