My New Years Revelation: I’m all or nothing, and I’m okay with that.

I hope you had a wonderful break 🙂 There will be those of you that let all your hairs hang out, responding with, ‘What book?’ when asked what there is to cook, and there will be those scoffing at my first sentence saying, ‘Pfft. What break?’ Either way, we are who we are, and if we aren’t happy with the decisions that we make, then self-punishment will manifest in an excruciatingly painful way. Bless it 🙂 There is no escape. You know it; I know it.

Even if I do relax, my break is never lacking in the stress department. In that little shop of horrors, I’m buying up tension like it will cure other drivers of the disorder that causes them to lose sight of their indicator. You can stress and relax? Yes, it’s a gift.

But this was not, for a change, book related. For the past three weeks, I have only spent time with my family or invested time in ridding the world of demons. Hey, I did say that I was pretty stressed; that’s a pretty important job.

Other than playing Diablo 3, which can loosely be considered inspiration for my series,  available hours have been spent reconnecting with my daughter and disconnecting with my son. Don’t judge me just yet; he is also ridding the world of.. something. Creativity maybe?

But my son and I do have a special connection, and it takes few words to cement our relationship. Five in fact: What level is your hunter?

My daughter, in comparison, requires validation of a very particular, specific nature. Very particular. Very specific. Detailed even… So, we talk about monster high dolls and ever after high dolls, and then I turn to my daughter and ask her what she wants to talk about. 😛 Disclaimer: I have nothing against boys playing with dolls, I just couldn’t help myself. 

So, instead of spreading myself over the course of the day, getting little bits of everything done and grumbling in the process, I’ve been ridding the world of demons while simultaneously wooing my own little devil. I’m a confused, multitasker with split loyalties. 🙂

But if that means I get nothing done writing wise,  at least I’m ‘all’ to them.

And I’m okay with that.

 

 

My Christmas Message

Everything’s crazy around Christmas and New Year, so rather than suggesting ways of trying to fit in your writing through crazy times or crazy writing through normal times, I’m going to suggest an alternative.

I’m not going to get into whether I’m religious, spiritual or whatnot.

Regardless of your beliefs, the message of this ‘retreat’ angel card is clear. I’ll even take out the preachy parts in case you prefer to just hear the message.

Spend some time alone in quiet thought.  Clear your mind, and focus on your truth and priorities.

Think of the mighty oak tree that grows in spurts and then rests.  It draws its nourishment from deep within the Earth, and takes its time before growing upward again.

It’s a simple message, but one that we often ignore.

So take some time my fellow writers, to relax and shut down. And don’t beat yourself, my mighty oak trees. There will be plenty of time to grow again.

Merry Christmas and thank you for your support in 2014 🙂

Writing, children and ‘work’

Apparently, there’s a cyclone coming to Brisbane. It’s the only possible explanation for the amount of groceries I bought today. This shouldn’t make me excited – that would be quite macabre if there was actually a cyclone coming- but I have never enjoyed strolling down those aisles more (Oh, look, two free wine glasses when you purchase two cream cheese products. They do know me. And I thought all that marketing business was a waste…) And yesterday, I did thirty minutes of housework and it put the biggest smile on my face. I miss my routine, and I think the kids do as well.

They don’t understand that for the past month I couldn’t go shopping, that I couldn’t move their clothes from the lounge room to their rooms, that I couldn’t muster the energy to move items from tables that have been piling up. I feel like I’ve been moving from the PC to the kitchen to school and then back. Sleep is in there somewhere. Two days ago I had some downtime and I decided to read. It was bloody nice! I missed it so much. But do you know what happened? I found that someone had used the word barrelling and used one ‘l’ where I used two in my synopsis. That was not a pleasant few hours.

So anyway, to the point. We’ve asked the children to appreciate the time they have at home and to behave because I ‘work’ from home and work around them. They are only children, right? They don’t understand. I hear you. We have it drummed into us so often, that I don’t need to tell myself – someone else is already doing it, and they are doing it louder.

But I can’t help but look at this differently. We were lucky growing up that Mum didn’t work and we were able to have a parent home before and after school and weren’t rushed around. I appreciate that so much – now. Maybe I didn’t then? Maybe I was a brat? I don’t know, I can’t remember. But I know that I would never have spoken to my parents the way mine speak to me.

So my daughter doesn’t classify what I do as work.  And I tell her – it’s work.  Just because I don’t get paid and just because I love it,  doesn’t mean I’m not doing this for them and the family as a whole.  She can’t see it? She’s just a child.

But again, I can’t help look at this differently. I want them to appreciate what they have. If they don’t take things for granted, then I believe it makes them a more respectful person. Writing is work. I’m doing this because I want this to be my career. I’ll be writing even if I don’t make a cent. If someone is building a business and they don’t make any money for years, does this mean they aren’t working? Those people will tell you, it’s work alright, and it’s hard because you don’t make cent.

I know that I don’t have to justify myself to my children, and I don’t expect them to bow down to me for writing while I’m raising them. I’ll never claim to be super mum.  But I do want children that understand what it means to be passionate about something enough that you are willing to fight for it.

 

So, I didn’t meet my writing goal…

Today was meant to be  ‘manuscript submission’ day. Instead it’s the less exciting and unproductive ‘beat-yourself up’ day.

I thought I’d be relieved when I decided last night that my manuscript was too important to rush; that a heavy weight would be lifted. I could actually spend time with my kids and husband on their holidays.

I shrugged off that weight but felt a little light, so I went off in search of some heavier baggage to lug around. Self-loathing and failure are always happy to travel , so I picked them up and thought I’d carry them around for a few days. Everyone needs to get out now and again, right? Even people who don’t indicate when they drive deserve  happiness.

I’m thinking. Maybe it means I’m a strong person if I can admit when I’m not ready. I mean, it’s the strong person who walks away from a fight, it’s the strong person who asks for help, it’s the strong person who carries around a lot of luggage…

I knew when I was ready for beta readers. I loved every passage I wrote more than the last and it felt right. Why did I torture myself so much over this manuscript submission goal? It’s been eighteen months since I started writing. I’m reading to let go. This baby should be able to walk by now. And it’s screaming at me to the point where I want to turn and say,” Be gone, foul beast!”

It’s only a month and I know I won’t be missing this next deadline of mine. I’ll have emails saved as drafts, a manuscript that’s ready when I am, and a synopsis that doesn’t summon demons when it’s read.

And if I miss it? Pfft. Goals were meant to be broken. Hang on, that’s rules…

Anyone else been there?